Have you ever thought that your son is your enemy? That he teases or bullies you?
If yes, in some way it’s normal that you think like that since society has taken care to make you believe that children are manipulative, tyrants, interested, evil, etc. But this is NOT the reality.
Children are humans; they’re developing beings who need YOU to learn from life and integrate themselves into society in a correct way. Getting to know and respecting themselves and others.
Your son is not your enemy; your son is a person just like you.
It’s very important that you stop believing yourselves superior by the mere fact of being their parents. On many occasions, the mistake is to treat them as if they were inferior as if they did not understand anything, as their feelings and emotions were insignificant and should be ignored. No one is inferior to anyone, and much less your children.
Today, I want to offer you five key tools to improve the relationship with your kids. If you commit yourself and carry them out, you will notice a significant evolution.
1. Understanding: until you take the blindfold off your eyes, and stop thinking that your children are enemies that conspire against your welfare, you won’t be able to move forward. So, the most basic thing is that you UNDERSTAND and INTEGRATE that they are basically kids. And that, as children, they have to do children’s things: move, run, scream, jump, cry, imitate, PLAY, etc.
Understand your children at all times, and your life and theirs will change for the better.
Control your emotions: yes, when you think that your children do what they want, that they cry to get attention, that they upset you… REFLECT and OBSERVE. Is it necessary to be filled with anger for something that you believe your child has done incorrectly? We never know when our last day will be, do you really want to argue with your children day after day? Is it true that you want them to remember you screaming, nerve-driven, and without knowing how to handle the situation? It’s very important that you work on your own emotions and what you experience when you feel them, to be able to improve and raise from the heart instead of anger.
Talk to them a lot and listen to them: communication is very important. In fact, this is how humans function, through interaction, verbal and non-verbal. Talk to your children every day, showing great interest in what they say and characterizing your dialogue for understanding, without judgments or labels. You have to take your time for it and get yourself carried away with these conversations, not thinking about rush and routines.
Hugs and kisses: everyone needs physical contact, it’s another way to communicate and to feel that those who love us are there. Never think that kisses, hugs, caresses, etc., are negative for your children: quite the opposite, they need them. Do not deprive your children of this… NEVER.
5. Learn to differentiate what is important from what is not. That your child jumps on the couch IS NOT important. The fact that he has a family relationship based on shouts from parents IS. That your daughter does not want to brush her teeth IS NOT important. That you punish her for it IS. And so a long list. You must know very well which things are just “kid’s stuff” and understand them in order to identify what’s really important when it comes to bringing them up.
It may be difficult at first, or if you are on the road, maybe sometimes it gets a bit uphill. But I assure you that progressively, everything will become natural, normal, and easy.
Accompanying your children in all situations, in good and bad times, not only you will make them free, responsible, respectful, with a good self-esteem and a good self-knowledge, as well as true to their ideals but, in addition, you will make them HAPPY.
You can do it. I’m sure you will fight for it.
Big hug and many thanks for reading,
Parent & Teacher Educator, Author, Expert in Respectful Education, and Founder of Edurespect School