As you may already know, one of the best exercises for families is just to put into practice all the acquired tools. Mistakes used as a learning and goals as a boost to go forward.
I’m a fan of quizzes that make you reflect, so today I bring this practice to help you discover things that you could do better with your children and things you have already improved or reflected on.
There are lots of myths regarding siblings relationships and, although disputes between them are natural, we parents must have the suitable tools for us to accompany conflicts the better way possible. And we will, therefore, avoid ending up in pitched battles, power struggles, punishments, shouts, violence, labels, etc.
I suggest you ten questions, to which you should answer the most sincere way. Write your answers down and then check up your results:
Did you emotionally prepare your first kid before the second one arrived? 3– Sure, showing empathy to him and taking into account how he felt; 2– Yes, we told him about his new sibling from time to time; 1– Of course not, we didn’t know if it was right for him.
If one of your children feels jealousy of the other, how do you act? 3- I accompany his emotion, I understand that jealousy is natural and that I don’t have to judge him for feeling it. 2- I try not to get angry, but it’s difficult to understand him. 1- I get upset, you must love your siblings, and you cannot feel anger against him.
Do you usually compare your children? 3- No, I don’t. Each person is unique and extraordinary. 2- Sometimes, especially when I get angry. 1- Yes, I do. I like to highlight one’s good things for the others to learn.
When one of your kids hits the other, do you stand up for the one that’s been beaten? 3- No, I support all of them equally, although I try to teach them that violence is not the best way to solve things. 2- It depends on why has he beaten. 1- Of course, poor little thing, if he has been hurt, it’s okay to defend him.
In an argument between siblings, do you listen to both parts? 3- Of course, that’s what children need: listening and understanding. 2- I listen to the one I consider the “victim” first. 1- No, if you behave badly, you don’t deserve being listened.
Are you giving the same things to all of them, or do you try to adapt yourself to each one’s necessities? 3- Each child is different, so you cannot give the same to all of them. 2- It depends on the situation, but I try not to act differently. 1- Yes, same treatment for everyone and no problem.
Do you spend any time “alone” with each of your children? 3- Yes, I do, although it is minimum, I try to offer some private moments to each of them. 2- It depends on the stress I’ve been going through that day. 1- Clearly impossible with today’s life rush I’m in, what’s more, I don’t think it’s so necessary.
Do you raise your voice and lose your temper when your children have a fight? 3- Of course not, violence only brings more violence, it would be nonsense to act that way. 2- Only from time to time, although I’m aware that’s not the correct way. 1- Yes, I do, I can’t find a better way for them to pay attention.
Do you help your children to look for solutions that suit well to all parts involved in a conflict? 3- I always help them to search for new answers, so, step by step, they are learning how to bring peaceful solutions by themselves. 2- When I see something is unfair, I tend to help the “weak.” 1- I think that they have to arrange things by themselves.
If you have any brother or sister, do you consider that your parents had something to do with the relationship you have nowadays? 3- My parents’ accompany was crucial; my siblings mean the world to me. 2- My parents had something to do, but not the whole part. 1- I don’t think my parents had anything to do, it was our business.
30 POINTS: Congratulations!! You have it so clear about your children’s needs and that will translate into happy siblings and healthy relationships in spite of all the adversities.
21 to 30 POINTS: You have learned a lot of things and, although you are aware that you have to improve, you make an effort day after day to achieve it, well done!!
11 to 20 POINTS: You don’t see very clear how to accompany your children’s relationship. But you are aware that some of your manners are not correct and want to modify them. Go ahead, and you can get it!!
10 POINTS: You must change the way you educate your children. They need your accompaniment; it will help you to be more united and happy. Work hard, learn and persist, and you will get it!!
Parent & Teacher Educator, Author, Expert in Respectful Education & Founder of Edurespect School